i want to do that

a journey from thick to thin

Day 140

Posted by iwanttodothat on January 17, 2010

Nothing too exciting to post today except that I took Girl Scouts to horse camp all day yesterday. I saw all the other moms getting ready to ride horses, too, and I figured I might as well ask and see if there was a weight limit or if they had a horse that could accommodate me. Why not, right? Well, it turns out they do have a weight limit of 250 lbs for a rider, but they had a big horse named “Cirrus” who looked just like you might expect with a name like that, who could handle me! I tried on some boots, and managed to fit into a pair of actual cowboy boots! Not special order boots for extra wide calves or anything like that, but actual cowboy boots! They put a helmet on me and I didn’t have any time at all to back out. I was paired up with my horse before I could change my mind. Getting on the horse was difficult and it took me two tries, but I did it! What a feeling! I really cannot even describe how powerful I felt after overcoming a huge fear of actually getting on the horse, then sitting up there on top of him! Wow! I rode around the arena for a while, but we (the director of this experience and I) agreed that I wouldn’t go on the hour-long trail ride. I was totally okay with that, especially since I got in about an hour of horse time. I was a happy camper. After my ride, I successfully dismounted without hurting myself, the horse, or anyone else.

This kind of a day is what my journey is all about. I want to do that! I wanted to ride a horse and I did it! I’m tired of weight and size barriers, not to mention physical discomfort and limitations being in my way. From a laziness perspective, it’s a lot easier to change myself than to try to change the hundreds of situations that are limited to average-sized people. This is NOT the same as skin color or ethnicity, for instance, or even disability. This is about deciding what you put in your mouth and how much you move your body. Even physically limited people can lose weight. It’s not really rocket science. It’s definitely harder for some than others, but it doesn’t mean it’s not possible.

Here’s another external motivator regarding the horseback riding: This was a Girl Scout event. ALL sixteen Junior Girl Scouts in my daughter’s troop were on this adventure, and it impressed the hell out of them that I rode a horse. Some of the girls even cheered for me! One girl, who is probably the most critical of them all, even commented on my appearance saying, “Miss Ann, you look a lot better!” This was a huge compliment from this girl and I could see the other girls looking at me with a critical eye and nodding their heads. I’m not sure I could’ve smiled much more than I was smiling after that. They were all watching when I made my first attempt at getting on the horse, and couldn’t, then tried again. They saw how excited I was to be on the horse! They were excited, too! I just had to set an example of strength and determination, and they saw it. I think this was huge. It was huge for me. I didn’t want them to see that I was the only mom who went and didn’t ride. Why would someone spend all the time and effort to go all day to horse camp and not ride a horse? I didn’t plan on riding. I brought a backpack full of reading material and my iPod. I was certain that there was no way I was getting on a horse, in fact, I hadn’t even entertained the idea until late that morning. My initial thoughts were: 1- they won’t have boots to fit me, 2- I’ll exceed the weight limit, or they won’t have a horse that fits me, and 3- me on a horse? Am I insane? If I were to fall off, or be thrown off, it would certainly be a bad situation. All of those scenarios are excuses not to do it because of my weight and fitness level.

I think I’m starting to get somewhere with the mental aspect of this journey. Being fat is no fun. It is certainly not more fun that doing all the things you can’t do because you’re too fat! The bottom line is this: Lose weight, have more fun! Bottom line.

What did I eat today?

Breakfast. 1 Atkins chocolate shake.

Snack. Sesame Snaps. (Sesame candy from Poland. Shoot me.)

Lunch. 1/2 Publix Ultimate sub on multi-grain bread, 1/2c baked potato salad.

Took a LONG nap. I’m chalking it up to PMS.

Dinner. 1 chicken thigh (fried, took skin and coating off), 1 potato (cut into wedges and baked with a little olive oil), 1c broccoli.

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