i want to do that

a journey from thick to thin

Day 155 – Rant

Posted by iwanttodothat on February 1, 2010

RANT ahead. Consider yourself warned.

Okay, friends. It’s Day 155, 5 days into my 100-day challenge to shed 50 more pounds. I’ve barely got a toe over the start line for this one.

I’m finding it difficult to get the job done. One of my road blocks is that I have a lot on my mind. My house has sinkhole activity under it, so I’m dealing with that mess and everything it implies (cleaning house, constructions workers, contractors, insurance company, etc.). I’ve been sick and/or allergic for the last week or so, and am just not back to 100%.

One of the other things I’m trying to get over is the lack of friends that want to do something, too. I feel like I’m swimming upstream. The people I thought were my closest friends don’t want to hear about fitness or diet or doing a 5k or anything like that. It’s a real disappointment to me.

I know I’ve disappointed PLENTY of people in the past, present, and will continue to disappoint. Not sure why I continue to have such high expectations from others. Really.

Yes, I admire people for working hard. I’m working hard, too. In order to be your best to give your life away, you have to do something for yourself. If you are not healthy, how can you set a healthy example for your kids? Will you be there for your kids? I mean that in the most literal way possible, too. Are you going to put yourself in an early grave because you’ve neglected yourself? When you think “The kids need me” this means they need you to be alive and operational. This does not mean that they need you to plan another activity for the greater good. Yes, I could spend all day every day working on volunteering, teaching kids, cleaning the house, planning activities, etc., but what good is this going to be if I’m dead in 10 years, and my teenaged children are having to work through that mess when they are at the age they will need me the most?

My kids can read, imagine, play, interact with people from all ages, and they can learn anything. I also know them VERY well. I know them better than anyone else on the planet. I am preparing them to be independent learners, thinkers, and doers. I’m excited for them to grow up and have their own families. I want to see that! I want to see my grandchildren and still be healthy enough to take them on a trip with me when I’m 60.

I’m on a huge soapbox, I know, but this is serious business. I have to get my shit together and get the weight off. My kids deserve the best, and that includes MY best, too.

With all that said, I’m left wondering if I should keep trying to motivate friends to come join me or do a little bit of relationship pruning and make some new friends?

I understand that you have to work on relationships. I also know that you have to set some healthy boundaries.

This all comes down to the fact that I’m feeling a little lonely on this journey. If I continue to work hard, and shed another 50, 100, or 125 pounds, will I have any friends left? Will I have all new friends? What will happen?

I almost want to lose all of this weight and move to another city. People would only know the thin version of me, and not expect me to put all that weight back on. Agh. I’m obviously having some sort of identity crisis or something.

I just need to get my ass back outside running around and working out. Got another 5k this Saturday to slog through BY MYSELF. No surprise there. I’m used to it. I’ll feel better after I sweat for a couple of hours at the gym. Maybe I’ll be so tired I can’t think about any of this crap.

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6 Responses to “Day 155 – Rant”

  1. Terri said

    I’m here! Call or email, and I’ll listen! Taking care of elderly parent (just in and out of the hospital this weekend, that was…interesting) and kids still, but the work deadline is behind me (finally!) so maybe we can at least meet for tea somewhere, or go for a walk around the block. I may also be able to swing a Xk walk sometime soon. I can’t do any weekend stuff until after robotics ends at the end of Feb., though – you know how that goes! But I *am* here, and I *am* rooting for you. I keep bragging on you to my niece. Of course you’ll have friends left, and you’ll be in better shape to slug us for being schleps! 🙂

  2. Jen said

    Wish I lived closer! Could sure use a motivated friend to keep me on track. Trying to lose baby weight and that additional 30 or so pounds I put on before I even got pregnant.

  3. Julie said

    Hi Ann,

    I know how you feel. I’ve been there. It’s hard to stay focused when the friends you surround yourself with aren’t quite on the same page. I find the hardest thing is when you go with your friends for dinner or something and you try to make the healthiest choice, or you only eat half of the food on the plate (because the serving sizes are so big) and just when you’re feeling good about your choice and your willpower, someone will make a comment about not eating enough, or they tell you that you should be enjoying yourself. It’s frustrating. It’s sabotage. I think you’ll find that your friends start to become a little jealous. Even if they are “skinnier”, they may feel unhappy with themselves, and they see you making changes to your body and lifestyle they wish it was them making the changes. I say, the best thing you can do is stick with it, do it for yourself, and either they will join you, or continue to feel sorry for themselves. There is a huge community of people out there who have similar goals, perhaps you can find a running buddy online or perhaps you could take a fitness class at a local gym or community centre.

    I’m sure your friends will come around. Stay true to yourself. Hang in there, you’re doing amazing!

  4. Jason Nelson said

    Ann,

    I know the feeling. When I lost 100 pounds, I consistently tried to get people to go go the gym with me. A lot of people didn’t understand why I would say no to going out to eat at a restaurant…hell, people still don’t understand why I won’t go out all of the time. It’s definitely a lonely battle trying to save your life. But, I’ll tell you that I’m a lot happier at 190 than I was at 290…and in the end, I’m the only one that truly cares how happy I am and that’s fine with me!

    Oh, and as I hinted earlier in my reply, the battle with “friends” doesn’t end when you hit your goal weight…

    Jason

  5. Mary said

    I know just how you feel. I’m 45 pounds into a planned 165 pound loss. I’ve changed my food, started exercising, and “pruned” the toxic friends from my life. I find now that I have no friends. It’s very sad. And also very hard to make new friends. I’m hoping that after I complete my transformation, I will find people that will fit in with my new, healthy, confident self. Until then, I’m plugging along solo. Because I have to do this for ME. I can’t stay fat and sick to placate other people.

    • iwanttodothat said

      Mary, I hope you are still finding success on your journey. Thank you for your comments. Friends are tricky. Stay strong! You are doing the right thing!

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